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On the edge…

What she could not understand was what exactly was she feeling. She was saddest she has ever been but she wanted to cry more and more and not a single tear came out. She couldn’t figure out why that was. May be it was because she was finally able to realize that this was the truth. On ground bloody truth. It was not an emotional thing.

What if it was not just a case of a short termed mental state? What if she had been suffering from cancer or she was schizophrenic?  Or was what she thought was a short term mental state was actually more than that. What if she was just not depressed due to a certain phase but she was crazy. Like the one who you see at a mental asylum?

Is the notion of ” ‘love’ standing by you” means that if she incapable of thinking straight she has all the rights to treat the other person like trash? Or she can take all her frustration out on she loves? If she really doesn’t have anyone else does it give her the right to take advantage of the one who loves her?

Or is she really ill? Is there something wrong in hoping that “in sickness or in health” would be a real thing? Or is she taking advantage of love? Or is she really lost?

As shocked as she was, she was trying to think straight and not talk. What she couldn’t figure out was whether they gave up on love? Was it really that ‘love’ wanted to not be with her? and that too second time in a month, she was warned of being “not worthy to be lived with” ? Is she really that ill or too much unbearable.

Or was it that as the time start to get harder and harder for her, love bailed on her? What if it gets harder and more harder. Is it that the harder it gets the more easily it is going to break. What if it breaks to a point where she wont be able to mend it. Does love break? What breaks so easily is really love?

Did she push love on the edge? But she is not doing it because she likes it, she is mentally so unstable that she herself is one the edge. Or is love tired of being a punch bag? Did she make that punch bag a substitute for medicines. Did she actually do this? Did she push love over the edge?

She still can not figure out. May be she and love are both on the edge …

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Posted by on March 18, 2014 in Her

 

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Things I wish I had done when having a baby

So I had a happy pregnancy. Like the one even the medical books don’t even say. It was normal than normal. Seriously freaky normal. I had an amazing time with F (my hubby). So for the nine month of my life I was enjoying it all and life seemed so smooth. I thought this is how the “after birth” is going to be. NO. It was not. It was beyond my wildest dreams. It was so hard that I would never have comprehended. Mainly because I was under the illusion of everything going smoothly because of an amazing pregnancy.

It was so good that we decided not to get any help. We did not let any body know that I was in labor and we needed help. Our parents even offered to come and help us from back home ( we live far far away from USA).

So, long story short…it was hard and I should have gotten some help. NO, I should have accepted some help.

Anyways, for mommies-to-be who do not have any help, here is my list of thing I wish I had done when having a baby:

  • Get all the help offered, seriously. Don’t think you and your partner alone will be able to do it. Especially for the first time parents, it is gonna be damn hard.
  • READ READ READ. Please read all the information you can find online, in books. As much as you read about your pregnancy, you should read about what will happen after the baby. Expecting it to be a smooth car ride, na-aan ! Its NOT. Read especially about how is it gonna effect your life. How will things change for you
  • LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN…. yes ! listen to moms who give u advice. Not the ones who will tell u crazy stuff, but one mommy friend that you trust.
  • Give your baby to nursery at night when you are at the hospital. After the labor n delivery no matter how much you wanna be with the new angel, send the baby to nursery at least for night and sleep the night. If you don’t take rest the first day is gonna be hardest of your life when u bring the baby home.
  • SLEEP…sleep when the baby sleeps, yeah I heard that, I didn’t do that. I made a mistake. Sleep as soon as the baby sleeps. No matter how much you want to just relax away from the sound of crying. Go to sleep ! take many naps.
  • First day of baby life, u r actually gonna question why u had him. The next few weeks you might resent him
  • You are gonna cry the first few weeks, its the baby blues. It will go away !! Trust me. You will feel terrible but it will go away.
  • Post par tum depression is as normal as u can think. Expect it..get help.
  • Stock up some yummy food at home, you will need it.
  • Take a hell lot of pics. They grow out faster than u know.

The most important thing, believe in yourself ! No not your previous self, you new self. You are a mommy and u have a baby. Believe in you being a mommy… My life changed when I started believing in the mom inside me.

Enjoy !

 
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Posted by on September 11, 2013 in My experiences

 

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