What she could not understand was what exactly was she feeling. She was saddest she has ever been but she wanted to cry more and more and not a single tear came out. She couldn’t figure out why that was. May be it was because she was finally able to realize that this was the truth. On ground bloody truth. It was not an emotional thing.
What if it was not just a case of a short termed mental state? What if she had been suffering from cancer or she was schizophrenic? Or was what she thought was a short term mental state was actually more than that. What if she was just not depressed due to a certain phase but she was crazy. Like the one who you see at a mental asylum?
Is the notion of ” ‘love’ standing by you” means that if she incapable of thinking straight she has all the rights to treat the other person like trash? Or she can take all her frustration out on she loves? If she really doesn’t have anyone else does it give her the right to take advantage of the one who loves her?
Or is she really ill? Is there something wrong in hoping that “in sickness or in health” would be a real thing? Or is she taking advantage of love? Or is she really lost?
As shocked as she was, she was trying to think straight and not talk. What she couldn’t figure out was whether they gave up on love? Was it really that ‘love’ wanted to not be with her? and that too second time in a month, she was warned of being “not worthy to be lived with” ? Is she really that ill or too much unbearable.
Or was it that as the time start to get harder and harder for her, love bailed on her? What if it gets harder and more harder. Is it that the harder it gets the more easily it is going to break. What if it breaks to a point where she wont be able to mend it. Does love break? What breaks so easily is really love?
Did she push love on the edge? But she is not doing it because she likes it, she is mentally so unstable that she herself is one the edge. Or is love tired of being a punch bag? Did she make that punch bag a substitute for medicines. Did she actually do this? Did she push love over the edge?
She still can not figure out. May be she and love are both on the edge …